In the grand scheme of things Kate, Jacquie, and I might be homeless next year. We haven’t found a house yet… and we really need to get onto that. Kate is positive that she has good feeling about this, and I hope she it right, because I am the type who has “Good feelings” she is the type who wont say until all is said and done. I can not wait to live with them, to go home on a Sunday afternoon to my two best friends in Houghton.
It is the coldest days of the year here, right now. I feel like my toes are numb though I am in my house underneath the covers. Looking out my window I feel like if I breathe too hard moisture will travel outside through the windowpane into the always windy snow blizzard occurring outside, adding one more white puff. I really hope it gets below 20 below this evening because we have a broomball game at 9:45 PM and should it be only 19 below then the game must go on.
With it so cold out who could blame me for not waking home by myself last night at 4am? It just seems strange to me, getting pissed drunk with Dan, Will, Corey, and the rest of Jen’s old friends… but honestly they seem to be nicer to me sometimes with her not around. Or is that because I am the only female in the room now?
I do know that after a certain point in the evening your guard goes down, after listening to Corey talk of some crazy shit, and passing the naive first years in halls, after one minuet takes days but one hour passes before you have even realized it. After that point I feel tired of treating those boys like boys that do not belong to me. So help me god if I want to cuddle into Will and have Todd stare strangely. If Dan wants to sit on the couch I am I will have to get over the fact that this means I am going to be lying on him instead. Because I let my guard down, I want to find that comfortable human contact that I can so guiltlessly find in my mother mother’s lap, or girlfriends beds beneath the covers talking about boys we shouldn’t be falling for.
So why was it so strange to wake up on the futon listening to boys above me in their bunk beds sleeping? Why did I feel apprehensive walking home this morning like I did something both wrong and lame, like I am turning into one of ‘those girls’… the lame ones who stay the night at their guy friends because they have no real boyfriend? Why must I worry about finding something nice that isn’t anything but just friends with guys? my subconscious is telling me that I can not treat my guy friends like my girlfriends… but why, why, why must I be the cold hearted jaded bitch that remains aloof amongst men? I just wish I lived with Katie and Jacquie now so I could just go crawl into one of their beds and talk about this.